Runner-Runner-Rebuy

I am not a superstitious person, but I have had some troubling dreams lately. For the past month or so I have been dreaming nearly every night that I am killed in a plane crash.

It is a strikingly realistic dream. First we hit some turbulence. A short while later, we are asked to return to our seats and fasten our safety belts. Some thing in the flight attendant's tone strikes me as wrong. Looking at the faces of the other flight attendants I sense a false calmness. Behind their thinly masked smiles I can see panic.

Suddenly, the plane's right wing dips sharply and the nose soon follows. I can see the ground approaching quickly, yet I am calm and courageous. I know death is coming, but I am at peace with it. As we strike the ground I am violently jerked awake.

I have been flying alone since the age of four and have never feared it. Tomorrow morning I am flying to Chicago for a health care conference and as silly as it sounds, I have been concerned - no, terrified of getting on that flight. Too add to my fear, it is now reported that a major winter storm will be hitting us just as my flight leaves. Yet, I will be getting on that flight.

By now, you might be asking yourself what this has to do with the title of this post - "On the Nature of Love." To be honest, I'm not sure yet. It seemed right when I started, and I hoped it would work itself out along the way. Perhaps my concerns of imminent death by plane crash leave me wanting to say something important. Or leave nothing left unsaid.

The past year has been a tumultuous one. Ups and downs, twists and banks, passions and heartbreak. It would be a lie to say its been easy, but then, it would would be a lie to say its been hard; because in a way, the world has come into focus. Over the past few weeks, the lessons of years gone by have made something very clear to me, and I suppose that is what the title of this post speaks to.

True love is when nothing is expected in return and when the happiness of another person becomes essential to your own.

As I stare at the previous sentence, my dream is making more sense. It has nothing to do with a warning of impending doom, and much to do with the transformation of the self. A sort of death of my old ways, and the shocking realization of a truth.

I now know why I am calm before the crash. Lao Tzu said, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
 I don't know if I've ever been deeply loved, but I do know that I love deeply, and that is enough.

I'm not sure if this is coming off as sullen, but it is not meant to be. In fact, as I write this, my mood is quite jocund. Perhaps this post makes no sense my readers, and the one to whom it might make sense does not read this blog. But to that non-reader, I will close with a line from Herman Hesse -

If I know what love is, it is because of you.