Runner-Runner-Rebuy

It appears that my esteemed colleague Julius Goat has declared himself the Pokerblogger Party nominee for the upcoming presidential election.

This is a move that could result in disastrous consequences for our country. Luckily, the PNC has not yet commenced, and many super-delegates are still up for grabs. I urge all Poker Bloggers to carefully consider the ramifications of a Goat Nation. I certainly do not want 8 more years of the Goat/Bush agenda, do you?

Lets take a look at the platform of the supposed candidate, Julius Goat.

1. His "unquenchable thirst for power" is not what it seems. This is a veiled attempt to pander to to his biggest soft money contributor : All-In Energy Drink. Many of us who attended the 2008 WSOP can attest to the vile nature of the All-In Energy drink and this has been well documented throughout the blogosphere. If an evil corporation like All-In has endorsed the Goat, you can be sure he is up to no good.

2. Negative campaigning will be staple of the Goats run. Attacking Scotty Ngyuen is not cool, baby. Not cool. The man put in his time, drank lots of booze, and won the 50K HORSE event. What are you saying Goat? That we shouldn't drink beer? You can't win elections on negative campaigning. Look at Bush in 04', do you think he won because of the constant assault on John Kerry's flip flopping and swiftboating? No - he won with push polls. Like this -

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Ring Ring Ring
"Hello?"

"Hi, this is VinNay calling from Right to Drink coalition and I just like to ask a few questions of you today, it will only take a few seconds of your time, and could have a direct impact on who is elected this fall."

"Ummmm...ok"

"Our records say you are a poker blogger, is this correct?"

"Yes."

"Ok, good. Would you vote for Goat if you found out that he wanted to ban all poker bloggers from drinking alcohol at Winter Gatherings?"

"WHAT?!?!?! He wants to ban alcohol?"

"What would you do if it was found out that the Goat is anti-Pai Gow?"

"Fuck that, I gotta go blog about this....." Click.

Mission Accomplished.
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Now a look at his VP choice. LJ. Clever pick my friend, but an obvious appeal to the women bloggers out there. Yeah, LJ might have results, but are those the results we are willing to live with? Do you want the baggage of Lucko tagging along in the white house? Does LJ have any idea at all of how many 4-figure cashes she's had? I bet most of you know how many you have. She just can't relate to the common blogger.

While Waffles may have experience running the World of Warcraft, three months of break even play is not where I want my country going. I want to ensure that despite the falling dollar and mountains of federal debt, our country can continue to provide us with access to cheap consumer goods, like Full Tilt deposits.

The Goat is nothing more than a pandering flip flopper like so many of those before him. One one hand, he offers up the Education job to Astin, a canadian, but on the other hand he slaps our closest neighbor and ally Canada in the face by committing to shave everyday. Two words Goat - Playoff Beard.

Having Blinders and Hoy share an office will not result in fine fertilizer. It will result in the poisoning of our land from the nuclear fallout resulting from a critical mass of ego occupying the same room and fusing together into the NYC Uber-Ego. And let me tell ya, FEMA is not going to clean up that mess.

Please people, go to the PNC, and cast your vote. Just don't do it for the Goat guy. Doesn't Satan have a cloven hoof too?

Vote for this guy - the first Dwarf president. That's right - the man himself.

What? Did you think I was going to run? Nah, I wouldn't stand a chance. Better to latch on to the coat-tails of someone who does. Even if he has no idea he is running. Or that I made myself his VP.

This message has been brought to you by the Right to Drink Coalition.

***Edit - We reserve the right to change comments to a more Iggy/VinNay platform friendly message.